Most parents have experienced it.

Your child becomes upset, frustrated, or overwhelmed and before long, you can feel your own stress levels rising too.

This isn't a parenting failure. It's part of being human.

We are wired to respond to the emotional states of the people around us, particularly those we care about. Within families, emotions can spread quickly. One person's distress can affect everyone else in the room.

This is one reason why helping children regulate their emotions is not just about teaching coping strategies. It's also about what children experience from the adults around them.

Children learn a great deal about managing emotions by watching how the important adults in their lives respond to stress, frustration, disappointment, and overwhelm.

Children Learn Emotional Regulation Through Relationships
Before children can calm themselves, they rely on adults to help them feel safe and regulated.
Psychologists often refer to this process as co-regulation.

When a parent remains calm, speaks gently, and responds in a predictable way during difficult moments, they help signal safety to a child's nervous system.

Over time, children begin to internalise these experiences.

What starts as:
"My parent helps me calm down."
gradually becomes:

"I know how to calm myself down."
Self-regulation develops through hundreds of these everyday interactions.

Why Modelling Calm Matters
Children are always watching.

They notice how adults respond when they make a mistake, get stuck in traffic, spill a drink, receive disappointing news, or have a difficult day.

When children regularly see adults managing emotions in healthy ways, they learn that strong feelings are a normal part of life and that there are safe ways to handle them.

This doesn't mean parents need to stay calm all the time.

In fact, seeing adults recover after difficult moments can be just as valuable as seeing them stay calm.
Practical Ways to Model RegulationLet your child hear your coping strategiesChildren benefit from hearing adults talk about how they manage emotions.

For example:
"I'm feeling frustrated, so I'm going to take a few slow breaths."
"I need a minute to think before I answer."
"I've had a stressful day. I'm going to go for a quick walk."

These moments make coping visible and teach children that regulation is something we actively practise.

Practise calming strategies togetherChildren are more likely to use regulation strategies when they are familiar and feel connected to positive experiences.

You might try:

• Taking slow breaths together
• Stretching or moving your body
• Listening to calming music
• Naming things you can see, hear, or feel
• Going for a walk outside

These activities can become part of everyday family life rather than something reserved only for difficult moments.

Show that taking space is healthy
Sometimes the best thing we can do is pause.
Let your child see that adults occasionally step away to regulate their own emotions.

For example:
"I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, so I'm going to sit quietly for a few minutes."

Later, you might say:
"I feel much calmer now."

This teaches children that taking space is a healthy coping strategy, not something to feel guilty about.

Notice effort
When children attempt to use a calming strategy, acknowledge it.

You might say:
"I noticed you took a big breath when you were upset."
"You told me you needed some quiet time. That was really helpful."

Recognising effort helps children continue developing these skills, even when the strategy doesn't work perfectly.

Remember that repair matters
No parent remains calm all the time.
We all lose patience, raise our voice, or react in ways we later wish we hadn't.
What matters most is what happens next.

When we apologise, reflect, and repair, we teach children valuable lessons about accountability, self-awareness, and relationships.

A simple:
"I'm sorry I shouted. I was feeling frustrated, and I wish I'd handled it differently."
can be incredibly powerful.

Children don't need perfect parents. They need adults who are willing to model learning, growth, and repair.

When we show children how we navigate difficult emotions, we give them a roadmap for managing their own.

Every deep breath, pause, moment of repair, and act of self-compassion becomes part of that lesson. Over time, children learn that emotions are not something to fear or avoid. They are experiences that can be understood, managed, and moved through safely.

If you'd like to learn more about supporting your child's emotional regulation, the online Harmony Parenting Program provides practical, evidence-informed strategies to help you respond to big feelings with greater calm, confidence, and connection. Learn more at Harmony Hub Parenting Program

Being hated is not the goal in any relationship, and it can hurt deeply when the child you have loved and supported for years shouts those words at you. In those moments, it can feel personal, rejecting, and shocking, even when you know they are upset.

The next time your child yells “I hate you” from across the room, these three approaches can help steady both of you.

First, regulate yourself
Those words are powerful. Of course they land. Your reaction makes sense. At the same time, responding while flooded will almost always escalate things.

If you can, give yourself a short pause. That might mean stepping into another room, taking a few slow breaths, or simply saying, “I need a minute.” Your calm nervous system is the strongest tool you have. When you steady yourself first, you make it easier for your child to settle too.

Second, try to understand what is underneath
Children feel intensely, and their emotional expression develops earlier than their ability to explain or reflect. When emotions are high, language tends to become dramatic and absolute.

Instead of taking the words at face value, approach them with curiosity. Ask yourself what your child might be trying to communicate. What big feeling is driving such big words?

More often than not, the emotion is not hatred. It is frustration, disappointment, fear, overwhelm, or a sense of powerlessness. The words are clumsy, but the feeling behind them is very real.

Third, problem solve once everyone is calm
When the emotional storm has passed, that is the moment to help your child make sense of what happened.

You might gently reflect back what you noticed. “When I said no more screens, you shouted that you hated me. I wonder if you were feeling bored, frustrated, or even a bit lonely.”

This is not about correcting their language or forcing an apology. It is about modelling how to move from emotion to understanding. Children borrow our calm thinking until they can do it for themselves.

In those moments, your child is not telling you who you are. They are telling you how big their feelings feel inside their body.

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify, use, understand and manage emotions in a positive way to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathise with others, overcome challenges and diffuse conflict. 

Emotional intelligence impacts many different aspects of your daily life, such as the way you behave and the way you interact with others. 

If you have a high emotional intelligence you are able to recognise your own emotional state and the emotional states of others and engage with people in a way that draws them to you.  

You can use this understanding of emotions to relate better to other people, form healthier relationships, achieve greater success at school, and lead a more fulfilling life.  ​

Emotional intelligence consists of four attributes:  

• Self-awareness – You recognise your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behaviour, know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.  

• Self-management – You’re able to control impulsive feelings and behaviours, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.  
• Social awareness – You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group.  
• Relationship management – You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict. 

 
Book an appointment with one of our psychologists to learn ways to improve yours or your child's emotional intelligence

Emotions such as fear, anger, grief and many others can negatively affect us long after the original event that caused them.

When our body fails to “let go” of these emotions we can find ourselves with unexplained hatred, self-sabotaging behaviours, destructive beliefs, phobias and many chronic physical problems. 

Why Do People Bottle Up Their Emotions? 

• They are unable to fight back in an argument situation  
• ​They think that if they show their emotions it is a sign of weakness. 
• They believe it is not normal to be feeling a certain way, so try to conceal their emotions from others. 
• ​They are afraid of what other people might think. 
• They feel that they have to deal with their emotions or problems on their own because "no one else will understand". 
• ​They feel they have to be "the rock" for others. 

What Happens When You Pent Up Your Emotions 

• You can become crabby to be around & start snapping at other people for no reason. 
• ​You get to a stage where you have bottled up your emotions to the point you "explode" - often the victims are loved ones, friends.  
• You start feeling low and numb and don't know how to get out of the situation. 
• ​You can start to feel physically unwell  

 
Ways to release bottled up emotions 

• Write: keeping a diary is a great tool to “vent” and put all your feelings onto paper 
• Music: write a song or simply listen to music that helps calm you

• Talk to someone: open up to a friend, relative, teacher that you trust 
• Get active: find a sport or activity that you can do to release tension. 
• Cry: Don’t be afraid to cry once in a while. It’s a healthy ritual! 

​Book an appointment with one of our friendly psychologists for more support​

It is essential that our young people learn how to manage the intensity of their emotions, and work through their emotions in a healthy and helpful way. 
​
It is not something that that we are inherently born knowing how to do, so it is important that parents and/or caregivers help facilitate a safe space for children to learn emotion regulation.

Here are 5 important tips to help you help your children:

1. Be warm, accepting and responsive to your child’s emotional needs

• It’s important that you allow space for your child to experience their emotions in a safe, empathetic and non-judgemental space. Being emotionally available for your child is the first step.
  
  

2. Talk about emotions and be a role model

• Talking about your emotional experiences with your child and modeling healthy ways of managing your emotions is vital. Kids won’t often do what you say, but they will likely follow your lead and take cues from how you react to your emotions and stressors. 

3. Accept, support and show empathy to validate their feelings

• Normalise your child's emotional experience to teach them they all emotions are safe and valid, and create an environment in which they feel safe to express those emotions. ​

4. Be patient

• Being patient and calm when your child expresses their emotions helps you remain connected. They will sense if you are becoming distressed or agitated, which will likely lead them to become more heightened. ​​

5. Try not to ignore, dismiss, discourage, punish or react negatively to emotions, especially negative emotion

• Your goal is to teach your child to not suppress their emotions, whilst also not letting them become overwhelmed by their emotions. 

By being in touch with your own emotions and being mindful of how you manage them, you can be a role model for your children and help them feel safe to express their own emotions in a healthy and helpful way.

For more parenting support or for support for your child, please contact the clinic to book an appointment.

Did you know that the average person can have up to 60,000 thoughts in one day?!

Even without being fully aware of what we’re thinking, our brain is often going a million miles per hour.

And a lot of what we think is negative, and the same worries that we had yesterday.

This makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, because our ancestors needed to constantly be scanning their environments for threats and pre-empting any potential dangers.

Helpful when being attacked by a sabre toothed tiger was a legitimate concern, but not so much in our day to day lives!

Here are some quick tips if you find yourself worrying a lot...

- try to catch yourself when you’re having a negative thought

- ask yourself “Is this thought true and helpful?” and “What might happen if I choose to ignore this thought?”
​
If you experience worry or anxiety and would like support, please contact the clinic to book an appointment with one of our psychologists

Do you know the phrase “Making a mountain out of a molehill”?

This can be all too familiar for people who experience anxiety

One fleeting thought can trigger a spiral of related thoughts and worries

And almost immediately what might have seemed like only a minor worry has become an overwhelming thought

When you notice yourself spiralling, it can help to stop and question the thought

You might want to ask yourself whether the thought is a fact, and try to find evidence to support or debunk your worry
​
You’ll likely find that the thought is just that...a thought!

If you are wanting support to manage worry or anxiety, please book an appointment with one of our friendly psychologists

I recall reading this quote in an article about the importance of dealing with your emotions, and it really resonated with me

“When you’re busy trying to numb your emotions, your emotions are in the next room doing push ups”

Unfortunately, uncomfortable emotions such as sadness or anger don’t magically disappear when we don’t want to feel them

The longer we try to push away unwanted emotions, the stronger they might become

So instead, we need to learn how to lean into the emotions, and to “feel all of the feels”

We shouldn’t fear our emotions.

They are all part of the human experience!

Book an appointment with one of our friendly psychologists if you're wanting support to learn how to manage your emotions

For some people who experience symptoms of anxiety, it can feel like an all consuming tug of war with their own internal monster.

The monster, in this instance, represents your...

- anxious thoughts

- your concerns

- your “worst case scenarios”

How physically and mentally exhausting must it be to constantly be fighting against your own thoughts?

But what might happen if you drop the rope?

Imagine how freeing that would feel!

When you notice yourself fighting with your thoughts, acknowledge that you’re in a battle of tug of war, and choose to let go of the rope.

If you are needing support to manage your anxious thoughts, please contact our clinic to book in an appointment