Perfectionism can be deceiving. It often appears as motivation, but underneath lies anxiety and fear of not being good enough. Many children who seem “driven” or “disciplined” are quietly putting enormous pressure on themselves to avoid mistakes or disappointment.

Perfectionism isn’t about wanting to succeed, it’s about needing to never fail. These children often tie their self-worth to achievements. A minor error feels catastrophic. They may erase and redo work repeatedly, avoid tasks they can’t guarantee success in, or become overly self-critical. Over time, this constant pressure can lead to anxiety, procrastination, and burnout.
​
The goal for parents isn’t to lower expectations, but to help children see mistakes as part of learning, not proof they’ve failed. Here are some simple strategies that can make a real difference:

1. Model Imperfection
Children mirror how adults respond to mistakes. When you spill something or forget an appointment, respond calmly: “That didn’t go how I planned, but I’ll fix it.” This teaches resilience and normalizes imperfection.

2. Praise Effort, Not Outcome
Praise how your child tries, not just what they achieve. Say, “You worked hard on that problem,” instead of “You’re so smart.” This shifts focus from outcome to growth and helps children value persistence over perfection.

3. Create Emotional Safety Around Failure
When your child is upset about a mistake, validate their feelings before offering solutions: “I can see you’re disappointed; you cared about doing well.” Once they feel understood, guide reflection, “What might you try differently next time?”

Perfectionism whispers that love and worth must be earned. When children know they’re accepted as they are, they learn to take risks, recover from setbacks, and find joy in the process, not just the result.

​

For many autistic children, the world is a deeply sensory place, full of sounds, lights, textures, and movements that can feel both fascinating and overwhelming. Sensory sensitivities are a core part of how many autistic people experience the world. These are important aspects of their neurotype that shape how they play, interact, learn, and process their environment. 

When parents and teachers understand sensory differences, they can create environments that reduce distress, celebrate individuality, and allow autistic children to thrive as their authentic selves.

How Sensory Sensitivities Shape Daily Life
Every moment of a child’s day involves sensory input, such as the hum of a classroom, the brightness of sunlight, the scratch of a clothing tag, or the smell of lunch cooking. For autistic children, their brains may process these sensations more intensely (hypersensitivity) or less intensely (hyposensitivity). Some children experience both, fluctuating from day to day or even hour to hour.

These sensory differences can affect how children experience the world in many ways:

Processing their environment: A child might struggle to filter out background sounds, making it hard to focus on a teacher’s voice. Another might seek movement or pressure to feel calm and grounded.

Engaging in play: A child might avoid messy play like finger painting because of texture sensitivity, or they might be drawn to spinning or jumping games that meet sensory needs.

Interacting with others: Bright lights, loud voices, or crowded spaces can make social interactions feel overwhelming. A child who seems withdrawn may simply be protecting themselves from sensory overload.

Learning: When the sensory system is on high alert, it’s hard to concentrate, follow instructions, or engage with new information. Reducing sensory stress helps children feel safe and ready to learn.

When we view sensory behaviors as communication, rather than avoidance, we can respond with empathy and understanding.

Practical Ways to Create Sensory-Supportive Environments
Parents and teachers can take simple, thoughtful steps to support sensory needs at home and in the classroom:

Offer sensory-friendly spaces.
Create a quiet, cozy area where children can retreat when they feel overwhelmed. Include soft lighting, calming colors, and familiar comfort items like a weighted blanket or favorite toy.

Be mindful of sensory triggers.
Notice when certain environments or experiences lead to distress, like loud assemblies or scratchy uniforms, and adjust where possible. Small changes can make a big difference.

Build in sensory breaks.
Short, regular breaks for movement, deep pressure, or quiet time can help children regulate their energy and focus. Activities like stretching, swinging, or using fidget tools can be grounding.

Respect sensory preferences.
Avoid forcing children to touch certain textures, make eye contact, or stay in noisy environments if it causes discomfort. Honoring their boundaries builds trust and safety.

Collaborate and observe.
Every child’s sensory profile is unique. Work with the child and their family to understand what supports them best. Most importantly, listen to the child’s cues and preferences.

Creating a World That Feels Safe
Supporting sensory sensitivities is about making the world more welcoming. When we adjust environments rather than expecting children to adapt to discomfort, we send a powerful message: You are safe. You are understood. You belong.

By embracing sensory differences with empathy and curiosity, parents and teachers can help autistic children feel more comfortable, confident, and ready to explore, play, and learn in their own beautiful way.

​

Understanding Autism and ADHD in Children
Parents and teachers sometimes notice that a child experiences the world in ways that stand out — the way they think, learn, or connect with others may feel distinct from those around them. Sometimes, this points toward Autism, ADHD, or a combination of both. Because these neurological variations share many overlapping traits, it can be hard to tell them apart. Understanding what they have in common — and what makes each unique — can help us better support the children in our care.
​
Shared Traits: Why Autism and ADHD Can Look Alike
Autism and ADHD are both neurological variations that shape how the brain processes information, attention, and social experiences. Many Autistic children and children with ADHD may:

• Find it hard to engage with tasks that don't feel meaningful or interesting, yet hyperfocus deeply on topics and activities they're passionate about
• Find transitions or changes in routine challenging
• Experience emotions intensely and need support with regulation
• Feel most settled with predictable routines, or benefit from reminders to stay on task
• Find social situations tiring or hard to navigate

Because of these similarities, it's not uncommon for parents and teachers to wonder whether a child might be Autistic, have ADHD, or both. Research shows that a significant number of Autistic children also meet the criteria for ADHD — and this combination is increasingly well recognised.

What Makes Each Unique: Distinct Strengths and Ways of Being
While both variations can shape attention and behaviour, they reflect different ways of experiencing and processing the world.

Autism is a neurological variation that shapes how a person communicates, processes sensory input, and moves through social spaces. Autistic children often thrive with routines, bring a sharp and focused attention to detail, and communicate in ways that are uniquely their own — whether verbal, nonverbal, or a blend of both.

ADHD is a neurological variation that shapes how a person regulates attention, energy, and impulse responses. Rather than a deficit, ADHD reflects a different relationship with focus — one that can bring intense curiosity, creativity, and the capacity to hyperfocus on areas of genuine interest. Some children with ADHD have a high-energy, dynamic relationship with the world — moving through ideas quickly, seeking stimulation, and bringing spontaneous enthusiasm to what they do. Others may appear calm on the outside while their attention drifts inward, finding it genuinely hard to anchor focus to tasks that don't feel engaging. Many children experience a blend of both. Across all presentations, planning, organisation, and time awareness can be areas where support makes a real difference — not because of a lack of effort or motivation, but because the ADHD brain is wired to approach these things in its own way.

Recognising these distinctions matters because the support that works beautifully for one child may not suit another. A structured visual schedule, for example, might help an Autistic child feel safe and grounded, while a child with ADHD may do better with more flexibility and variety built into their day.

When to Seek a Professional Assessment
If you're wondering whether a child's experiences align with Autism, ADHD, or both, a comprehensive assessment can offer clarity and a path forward. Psychologists and other health professionals can help identify each child's strengths, needs, and unique ways of engaging with the world — and use this to guide tailored, meaningful support.

With understanding, patience, and an environment that embraces who they are, every child can learn, grow, and flourish. Learn more about Hopscotch and Harmony Psychology assessments HERE

Helping your child embrace their unique way of being in the world.

It’s a moment that can tug at any parent’s heart: your child comes home quiet, withdrawn, or teary-eyed, saying they don’t fit in. Maybe their classmates don’t share their interests, or they’re frustrated that others don’t understand them. Maybe they’ve already picked up on the subtle ways they’re treated as “different.”
For many neurodivergent children, this feeling can start early. They might notice that loud noises bother them when others don’t flinch, that they think deeply about things other kids brush off, or that school feels harder—or easier—in unexpected ways. Whatever the difference is, it can make the world feel lonely sometimes.
But here’s the beautiful truth: different doesn’t mean less. And as parents, we have the power to help our children see that too.

1. Listen First—Without Fixing
When your child shares their hurt, your instinct might be to jump in and reassure: “You’re not that different!” or “Everyone feels that way sometimes.” But gentle parenting asks us to pause and really listen.

Try sitting beside them, offering a calm presence.

You might say:
“That sounds really hard.”
“It makes sense that you’d feel sad about that.”
Validation builds trust. It tells your child, “Your feelings matter. You matter.” Once they feel safe, their nervous system can relax—and real healing can begin.

2. Reframe “Different” as “Unique and Needed”
Children often see “different” as something wrong. You can help them rewrite that story.
Talk about how their brain and body simply work in their own way—beautifully tuned to notice things, think creatively, or experience the world deeply. You might say:
“Your brain works in such an amazing way. That’s part of what makes you you.”
If your child has a diagnosis, name it with neutrality and pride. Saying, “You’re autistic, and that means your brain is wired for detail and honesty,” helps them understand themselves without shame.

3. Create a Safe Harbour at Home
The world can feel unpredictable for kids who sense everything more intensely or who struggle with social norms. Home can be their soft place to land.
You can:

• Build gentle routines that help them feel secure.
• Offer sensory supports—like cozy corners, quiet spaces, or fidget tools.
• Encourage them to express themselves freely—through art, movement, stimming, or creative play.
  
  

When children feel accepted at home for exactly who they are, they begin to carry that sense of safety into the world.

4. Tell Stories That Reflect Their Experience
Representation matters. Read books and share stories that feature neurodivergent characters or real people who think differently. Celebrate inventors, artists, and leaders who thrived because of their unique minds—people like Chloé Hayden, Greta Thunberg, or Simone Biles.
When your child sees others like them living fully and proudly, it reinforces that being different can be a strength.

5. Support Authentic Friendships—Not Forced Fitting-In
It’s natural to want your child to be included, but inclusion shouldn’t come at the cost of authenticity. Some kids blossom in one-on-one friendships rather than big groups. Others prefer parallel play or shared interests over traditional socialising.

Instead of teaching them to mask or “fit in,” help them find spaces where they can belong as they are. Clubs, online communities (with your guidance), or local neurodivergent-friendly groups can help them connect with others who truly understand.

6. Model Self-Acceptance
Your child watches how you treat yourself. Share moments when you felt different or misunderstood, and how you learned to embrace those parts of yourself.

“I used to feel shy about being quiet, but now I know it’s one of my strengths—I notice things others miss.”

When you show self-compassion, your child learns that loving oneself fully is not only okay—it’s powerful.

7. Advocate, Gently but Firmly
If your child’s school or community doesn’t yet understand their needs, your advocacy matters. Whether that means requesting accommodations, educating teachers about sensory sensitivities, or simply explaining your child’s communication style—it all helps.

You’re showing your child that their needs are worth honoring.

In the End: Love Them as They Are, Not as the World Expects
The goal isn’t to help your child “blend in.” It’s to help them root deeply in who they are, so they can move through life with self-trust and pride.

Your unconditional love, your gentle presence, and your belief in their worth—these are the things that will guide them home to themselves, again and again.

Because the truth is, every child deserves to feel that who they are is exactly enough.

When we talk about children “being themselves,” we often imagine confidence, curiosity, and ease. But for many neurodivergent children, particularly autistic children, being themselves does not always feel safe.

Instead, some children learn to mask.

Masking, sometimes called camouflaging, is when a child consciously or unconsciously hides parts of who they are in order to fit in, avoid standing out, or meet expectations. It can help them get through the day. It can also come at a significant cost.


What masking can look like

Masking is rarely obvious. In fact, it is often praised because it looks like coping.

Some children stop stimming. They might hold their hands still, stop rocking, or suppress sounds because they have been teased or corrected for being “distracting” or “odd.” Others become very quiet about their interests after noticing eye rolls or comments like “here we go again.”

Some children try to copy their peers. They force eye contact even when it feels uncomfortable. They study facial expressions, tone of voice, or the way other children speak so they can mirror it. A few become careful observers of social rules, watching shows or replaying conversations to work out how they are supposed to behave.

Some rehearse. They practise conversations with toys or in their heads. They script what to say before asking to join a game or going to a birthday party. On the outside, they may look capable and socially competent. On the inside, they are monitoring every move.

It's exhausting work.


Why children mask

Children mask because they are trying to stay safe.

They notice very early which behaviours are welcomed and which are corrected. They notice laughter, teasing, raised eyebrows, and subtle shifts in tone. They learn what gets approval and what brings discomfort.

Many Autistic children want connection deeply. When they realise that certain parts of themselves make connection harder, they may begin to hide those parts.

Sometimes adults unintentionally reinforce this. A child who is overwhelmed may be told they are being dramatic or too sensitive. A child who struggles with eye contact may be encouraged to use “whole body listening.” Praise for “acting normal” can quietly teach a child that their natural way of moving, communicating, or regulating is not acceptable.

Most children are not trying to be someone else. They are trying to avoid criticism, misunderstanding, or rejection.


The cost over time

Masking can work in the short term. It can help a child get through school, group activities, or social settings. Over time, however, it often leads to fatigue, anxiety, low mood, and a growing sense of disconnection from self.

Some children come home completely depleted. Parents often describe a child who “holds it together all day” and then falls apart at home. That is not bad behaviour. That is a nervous system finally exhaling in a place where it feels safe enough to do so.

As children get older, long-term masking can contribute to burnout and confusion about identity. Many Autistic adults describe years of feeling like they were performing rather than living.


What helps

The aim is not to demand that children stop masking. For many, masking has been a necessary survival strategy. What helps is creating environments where masking is less needed.

In classrooms, this starts with how difference is talked about. When neurodiversity is explained openly and respectfully, children learn that brains work in different ways and that this is not a problem to be fixed. Normalising supports such as movement breaks, sensory tools, or flexible seating helps children see that needing support is not a personal failing.

For parents, safety often starts at home. Allowing stimming. Listening to repeated interests without rushing to redirect. Letting a child know, explicitly and consistently, that they do not need to earn acceptance by being smaller or quieter or easier.

Many families also notice a shift when their child spends time in neurodivergent-affirming spaces. Being around others who move, communicate, and experience the world in similar ways can be deeply regulating. Children often relax in ways they did not realise they were holding themselves tight.


Masking is information

When a child masks, it tells us something important. It tells us they are navigating an environment where they do not feel fully safe to be themselves.

The question is not “how do we help this child cope better?” but “what might this child need from the adults and environments around them?”

Sometimes the most meaningful support is not another strategy or program, but a quiet, consistent message repeated over time.

You do not have to hide here.

After a child experiences trauma, even familiar spaces can feel unpredictable or unsafe. Parents may notice increased clinginess, emotional outbursts, sleep difficulties, or withdrawal. These behaviours are often not misbehaviour; they are signals that your child’s nervous system is on alert and seeking safety.

Home is more than just a physical space, and plays a critical role in helping children feel secure again. Predictable routines, emotional support, opportunities for choice, and sensory strategies all foster trust, regulation, and resilience. A safe, consistent and predictable home allows children to regulate emotions, rebuild trust, and gradually recover from trauma.

Why Safety Matters
Children who have experienced trauma may struggle with anxiety, hypervigilance, or difficulty trusting others. Creating safety at home helps children:

• Regulate emotions more effectively
  
• Feel secure and grounded in daily life
  
• Build resilience and confidence

Even small, consistent changes at home can significantly support healing.

Establishing Predictable Routines
Routine is a simple but powerful tool for safety. Predictable daily patterns reduce stress, anxiety and support self-regulation. Examples:

• Morning and bedtime rituals: Consistent steps each day in a similar patter, like brushing teeth and then reading a story
  
• Regular meals and snacks: Structure reassures and grounds children
  
• Visual schedules or gentle reminders: Help children anticipate and prepare for transitions
  

Routine should be consistent but flexible, allowing for minor changes without losing the sense of safety.

Creating Emotional Safety
Children also need emotional safety, knowing their feelings are accepted and they can express them without fear. Practical strategies:

• Validate feelings: “It’s okay to feel angry or scared.”
  
• Be present: Give attention and comfort without rushing or judging
  
• Stay calm during big reactions: Your calm presence helps regulate their nervous system

Tip: Emotional safety doesn’t mean giving in to every demand,  it’s about acknowledging feelings while maintaining healthy boundaries.

Offering Choices and Encouraging Control
Trauma often leaves children feeling powerless. Small, age-appropriate choices help them regain control:

• Picking clothes or snacks
  
• Choosing between two activities after school
  
• Deciding the order of bedtime tasks in their routine

Even minor choices help children feel empowered and safe.

Using Physical and Sensory Supports
Some children respond well to sensory strategies to feel grounded:

• Calm spaces: A quiet corner with pillows or soft toys
  
• Sensory tools: Stress balls, weighted blankets, or textured objects
  
• Movement: Jumping, stretching, or dancing can help release tension

These strategies complement routines and emotional support to reinforce a sense of safety.

When to Seek Professional Support
While home strategies are effective, some children may benefit from professional guidance, particularly if:

• Anxiety, aggression, or withdrawal are persistent
  
• Sleep disturbances or nightmares continue
  
• School or social difficulties affect daily life

If you’re noticing ongoing changes in your child after a difficult experience, support can help. Our psychologists at Hopscotch & Harmony work with children and families to gently rebuild safety, regulation, and trust at a pace that feels right for your child.

Being hated is not the goal in any relationship, and it can hurt deeply when the child you have loved and supported for years shouts those words at you. In those moments, it can feel personal, rejecting, and shocking, even when you know they are upset.

The next time your child yells “I hate you” from across the room, these three approaches can help steady both of you.

First, regulate yourself
Those words are powerful. Of course they land. Your reaction makes sense. At the same time, responding while flooded will almost always escalate things.

If you can, give yourself a short pause. That might mean stepping into another room, taking a few slow breaths, or simply saying, “I need a minute.” Your calm nervous system is the strongest tool you have. When you steady yourself first, you make it easier for your child to settle too.

Second, try to understand what is underneath
Children feel intensely, and their emotional expression develops earlier than their ability to explain or reflect. When emotions are high, language tends to become dramatic and absolute.

Instead of taking the words at face value, approach them with curiosity. Ask yourself what your child might be trying to communicate. What big feeling is driving such big words?

More often than not, the emotion is not hatred. It is frustration, disappointment, fear, overwhelm, or a sense of powerlessness. The words are clumsy, but the feeling behind them is very real.

Third, problem solve once everyone is calm
When the emotional storm has passed, that is the moment to help your child make sense of what happened.

You might gently reflect back what you noticed. “When I said no more screens, you shouted that you hated me. I wonder if you were feeling bored, frustrated, or even a bit lonely.”

This is not about correcting their language or forcing an apology. It is about modelling how to move from emotion to understanding. Children borrow our calm thinking until they can do it for themselves.

In those moments, your child is not telling you who you are. They are telling you how big their feelings feel inside their body.

Puberty and the Changing Brain
We often hear from parents that their child, who is going through puberty, has been getting frustrated, talking back, or lashing out for no apparent reason.

Many children receive “the talk” at school or home about how their bodies will change. But while the physical changes are well-covered, the changes in the brain and emotions are just as significant—and often overlooked.

Here are a few helpful points to guide these conversations:

1. Explain the changes in the brain
Your child may already know what to expect physically. It helps to explain that their brain is changing too. The first part to mature is the emotional centre (the amygdala), which is responsible for strong feelings and survival instincts. The part that takes the longest to develop is the thinking and reasoning centre (the prefrontal cortex), which isn’t fully mature until around age 18–25.
This means that teenagers can feel emotions more intensely, react quickly to small triggers, and find it harder to regulate their behaviour or articulate what they need.
Because the brain uses around 20% of the body’s oxygen and energy, these rapid changes can also leave young people feeling tired or irritable. Sometimes what looks like defiance is simply exhaustion.

2. Empathise and empowerLet your child know that their feelings and behaviour are not the same thing. It’s normal to feel angry, frustrated, or confused at times. They can’t always control how they feel, but they can learn how to respond to those feelings.
Encourage them to name what they feel and remind them that it’s always okay to ask for help. Your calm presence teaches them that emotions, even big ones, can be managed safely.

3. Focus on effective communicationYou can also acknowledge that this stage is confusing for you too. Let them know that you want to understand what they’re experiencing, and work together to find ways to communicate clearly.
Some useful tools include:

• Using “I” statements to express your feelings without blame
• Talking about actions rather than personal traits
• Focusing on finding a solution

For example:

• “I feel annoyed that you won’t let me go to the shops with my friends because everyone else can and I feel left out,” instead of “You’re being unfair.”
• “I feel hurt when you use that tone because I feel disrespected. Can you tell me what you need in a calm voice?” instead of “You’re being rude.”
  
  

4. Try the “birds, bees, and the brain” talkBeyond the traditional “birds and bees” talk, include discussions about emotional and brain development. This helps your child understand that the changes they’re feeling are normal and temporary.
If sitting face-to-face feels uncomfortable, choose a setting where you’re side by side, like walking the dog or driving together. These relaxed moments often make it easier for children to open up.

Supporting your child through changeThis stage can test patience on both sides, but it’s also a valuable chance to build connection and trust. When you respond with curiosity rather than criticism, you show your child that strong feelings can be handled together.
Adolescence isn’t just a time of turbulence, it’s a time of enormous growth. With empathy, calm communication, and consistent support, you can help your child navigate this period with confidence and self-understanding.

If you notice ongoing distress, withdrawal, or emotional changes that seem extreme or out of character, consider speaking with a psychologist for additional support and guidance.

Childhood is a crucial time to nurture healthy self-esteem. It lays the foundation for resilience, confidence, and emotional well-being throughout life. We all know self-esteem matters, but how can we help children truly develop it? Here are three practical ways to start.

1. Ask, “How would someone who loves you describe you?”

When children have a tough day, they can be hard on themselves, just like adults. To help them see a kinder perspective, ask:

“How would Mum/Dad/your favourite teacher/your best friend describe you?” or “What would ___ say about this?”

Younger children (especially under 8) might need more guidance to answer, but this question helps them step outside self-criticism and see themselves through the eyes of someone who cares.

2. Offer sincere praise and focus on effort

Saying “You’re the best!” might feel encouraging, but it can backfire. It sets unrealistic expectations and teaches children to measure their worth by comparison. Instead, give specific, genuine feedback that acknowledges effort and progress:

“I love how you added so many details to your drawing, what part are you most proud of?”

Or, “You’ve been working hard on your maths. I can see your effort paying off.”

This kind of praise builds true confidence, the kind rooted in competence, not perfection.

3. Celebrate the wins

Everyone has ups and downs. Create a ‘Wins Box’ or folder where your child can keep things that make them proud, drawings, certificates, photos, or notes from special days. Looking through it can help them remember their strengths and positive moments when they’re feeling low.

Building healthy self-esteem isn’t about a one-size-fits-all formula. It’s about helping children feel loved, safe, and capable. The words they hear from you can become the voice they carry within themselves.

Bedtime can be a time when children feel the relief of recharging their batteries for another day. It can also be a time when children are alone with their thoughts and their minds can feel really busy. Some children find themselves replaying the day that has just past, others think about what might happen tomorrow. For many, it can be a time when the darkness and noises outsides prompt their little minds to wonder about monsters and other scary things.  
 
Here are 5 simple and creative ways to manage worries at bedtime:

1. Feed worries to a worry monster 
Help young children to let go of their worries before they go to sleep by feeding them to a worry monster. You can create a friendly worry monster with your child by using an old tissue box. Paint or cover the tissue box with your child’s choice of colours and patterns and turn the opening into a mouth by adding some paper teeth.
 
Once you’ve created the monster you can encourage your child to feed their written or drawn worries through its mouth (e.g., making friends at kinder, going swimming etc.). If your child struggles with writing or drawing, parents can help with the process.

​The monster likes to eat worries so your child can let them go from their mind. If the idea of a “friendly monster” might prompt some discomfort - you can choose your child’s favourite animal or character instead.​

2. Teach your child to meditate 
Encourage children to learn how to relax their minds and body by teaching meditation skills at bedtime. There are many relaxation scripts written especially for children that encourage positive imagery, breathing and muscle relaxation techniques. Relaxation techniques can help calm busy minds and help get children ready for sleep. A helpful book to use is Mini Relax by Debbie Wildi.
 
Debbie’s book of calming stories helps children imagine themselves sliding on rainbows, walking through the fairy forest and see the world from a red air balloon. Each story introduces children to breathing and muscle relaxing techniques in a creative story format. Alternatively, you can google “child relaxation scripts” to source some free stories to read. You might even like to write your own!

​3 Let worries fly away 
Teach older children to identify and let go of worrying thoughts with the help of balloons and a Sharpie (permanent marker). Encourage your child to blow up a balloon (you can help of course) and hold the end tight in one hand. Use a black or dark coloured Sharpie to write or draw the worry on the balloon. It could be a word or a sentence or a picture of whatever is on their mind.
 
If your child has difficulty putting their worry into words you can help model what a worry might sound like in your head by writing your own worry. Using the phrase “what if…” can often help get your child started. Once your child has written or drawn the worry, tell your child to let it go and watch it fly around the room. When you retrieve the balloon your child will find that their written worry has shrunk and the writing is very tiny on the balloon – almost as if the worry is not so big anymore.

4 Change a scary image into a funny or silly one 
Help your child take control of a scary image in their head by teaching them to change what they see. Some children find that bedtime prompts them to think about the scary stories they have seen on TV, read in books or heard from other kids. Children might close their eyes and see an image in their head that is hard to shake (e.g., monster, ghost, zombie etc,). Encourage your child to draw what they see on a piece of paper. Children often find this hard to do as it asks them to face their fear directly.
 
Once the image is drawn tell your child to change the image so they find it funny or silly. For example, one child kept picturing a zombie in her head when she closed her eyes at bedtime. Using the drawing technique she was able to turn the image into a zombie dancing gangnam style and she no longer found it so scary. With repetition, every time the zombie entered her head she thought about him doing gangnam style and it stopped keeping her awake.

                          Read more on supporting your child through nighttime fears

5. Schedule worry time 
Help older children manage their worries at bedtime by encouraging them to schedule “worry time” into their day. Just like many adults, bedtime can be a time when the mind gets busy. Encourage your child to engage in a scheduled “worry time” earlier in the evening (instead of just before sleep). Your child can write down or say their worries at a scheduled time (e.g., just before dinner, after school or before the bedtime routine starts).
 
Technology can be helpful here – your child can use a tablet or phone to record themselves (e.g., on apps like voice notes) saying their worries. Your child can then listen back to their spoken worries and then switch them off. Switching off a device is much easier than switching off a busy mind!
 
Worries at bedtime are common for children. Teaching your child different ways of managing their worries can help them to relax as they go to sleep and teach important skills for self-regulation.
 
If you are concerned about your child’s worries please seek professional advice. At Hopscotch and Harmony we have child psychologists who can help children and parents learn to manage worry. To book an appointment at our Werribee or Belmont psychology practice please enquire now.

Children can sometimes become tangled in their thoughts and feelings. They might think, “I’m bad at this,” or “Everyone is mad at me,” and believe those thoughts to be facts. Cognitive defusion is a psychological strategy that helps children create space between themselves and their thoughts, so they can respond rather than react.

At its core, cognitive defusion teaches that thoughts are not truths, but passing experiences in the mind. When children learn to notice thoughts without getting swept up in them, they can approach challenges with more calm, confidence, and flexibility.

Why Cognitive Defusion Matters for Children

For children who experience big emotions, anxiety, or self-doubt, cognitive defusion can be a powerful skill. It helps them:

• Notice thoughts and feelings without judgment.
• Recognise that not every thought needs to be believed or acted upon.
• Stay connected to the present moment instead of getting caught in worries or self-criticism.

This shift allows children to develop resilience and a balanced perspective, improving how they handle difficult moments at home, school, or with peers.

Simple Ways to Practise Cognitive Defusion with Children

1. Mindfulness practice
Invite your child to notice their thoughts and feelings without trying to change them. For example, they might close their eyes and describe what’s happening inside their mind as if they were a curious observer.

2. Helpful self-talk
Encourage your child to catch unhelpful thoughts like “I can’t do this” and reframe them. You could teach them to say, “I’m having the thought that I can’t do this,” which creates distance between them and the thought.

3. Visualisation
Ask your child to imagine their thoughts as clouds drifting across the sky or leaves floating down a stream. This helps them see that thoughts come and go, and they don’t need to hold on to them.

4. Role-play
Through play or simple scenarios, practise responding to common challenges, like making a mistake or feeling left out. This helps children experience that uncomfortable thoughts and feelings can be managed, not avoided.

The Bigger Picture

Cognitive defusion is not about ignoring or suppressing emotions. It’s about helping children understand that feelings are valid but temporary, and that they have the power to choose how to respond.

Working with a psychologist trained in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can help you and your child learn these techniques in ways that are age-appropriate and meaningful.
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By teaching cognitive defusion, you’re giving your child lifelong tools for self-awareness and emotional regulation, skills that support mental health, learning, and relationships well into adulthood.

Some children are natural communicators. They speak in full sentences from an early age, ask insightful questions, and explain their thinking with clarity and depth. You might hear them described as articulate, bright, or advanced. But when it comes to getting their ideas onto paper or finishing everyday tasks at home or in the classroom, they may struggle to keep up.

This can be puzzling for both adults and children. A child who seems intellectually ahead might fall behind when it’s time to write or complete a task within a set time. One explanation lies in a particular cognitive profile: strong verbal comprehension combined with a slower processing speed. Understanding this pattern can make a big difference in how we support and work with these children.

What does this profile involve?

In a cognitive assessment, we often look at different aspects of thinking and learning. Two areas that often stand out in this profile are:

• Verbal Comprehension Index (VCI): how well a child understands language, reasons with words, and expresses complex ideas
• Processing Speed Index (PSI): how efficiently a child can take in visual information and respond, particularly in timed tasks that involve fine motor skills like copying or writing

When a child has a VCI in the Extremely High range (for example, 130 or above) and a PSI in the Average range (around 100), a gap can emerge between how they think and how they perform in practical or time-limited settings. This is not a matter of intelligence or effort, but of how their brain processes different types of information.

How this shows up day to day

Children with this profile may:

• Come up with advanced, creative ideas but find it hard to get them down on paper
• Take longer than peers to complete worksheets or writing tasks
• Avoid writing altogether or freeze up when facing a blank page
• Produce work that doesn’t reflect the richness of their thinking
• Appear inconsistent, doing well in verbal discussions but struggling with written output
• Prefer talking to adults or older children, as their ideas are often more aligned with older peers

Often, these children are not disruptive. Because they may be quiet, compliant, or highly verbal, the gap between their thinking and output may be easy to overlook.

The emotional impact

Children are often very aware of the gap between what they know and what they can produce. Over time, this can lead to:

• Frustration or anger during writing tasks
• Avoidance or procrastination, especially when they feel they won’t do well
• Perfectionism, where they struggle to begin or finish tasks unless they feel they can get it “just right”
• Feeling misunderstood or even doubting their own abilities
• Anxiety or school-related stress, especially in upper primary and high school when written output increases

These children may not say they’re struggling, but their experience of learning can be tiring and discouraging without the right support.

What helps

For Parents:
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• Allow extra time for everyday tasks
  Children with slower processing speeds often need more time to get started and complete tasks. This might include getting ready in the morning, packing their school bag, or completing homework. Try to reduce time pressure where possible.
  
• Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps
  Instead of giving broad instructions like "clean your room" or "finish your homework," guide your child through each part. Breaking tasks down helps reduce overwhelm and builds a sense of achievement.
  
• Encourage verbal expression before writing
  If your child is struggling to start a written task, ask them to talk through their ideas first. You can even jot down what they say to help them see their ideas taking shape.
  
• Use tools and supports at home
  Try checklists, timers, or visual schedules to help your child stay on track with multi-step routines like getting ready for school or completing chores.
  
• Offer choice and flexibility
  Let your child choose how they want to complete a task when possible — for example, typing instead of writing, or drawing a diagram instead of writing a paragraph. This builds autonomy and reduces resistance.
  
• Watch for signs of frustration
  If your child becomes easily upset when tasks feel hard or slow, take a break, offer reassurance, and return to it later. Emotional regulation support is just as important as academic help.
  
• Celebrate effort, not just outcome
  Focus on the thinking and perseverance your child is showing, rather than only the finished product. This builds confidence and reinforces a growth mindset.
  
• Talk about how their brain works
  Help your child understand that everyone’s brain is different. A slower pace doesn't mean they're not clever.
• Communicate with the school
  Let teachers know what you’ve observed. A collaborative approach can make a big difference.

For Teachers:
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• Adjust time expectations
  Allow additional time for writing and reduce time-based pressure where possible.
• Accept different formats
  Encourage verbal responses, drawings, typing, or mind maps if these better reflect the student’s thinking.
• Focus on depth, not volume
  Ask for fewer responses that are well thought out, rather than lots of rushed work.
• Use visual scaffolds
  Provide tools like writing templates, graphic organisers, or sentence starters to help students structure their ideas.
• Check in privately
  A child with this profile may be working very hard to keep up. Quiet encouragement and curiosity about their experience can go a long way.

A more helpful way to see it

This isn’t a problem to fix. It’s a pattern to understand. When we recognise that a child’s brilliant ideas might outpace their ability to show them on paper, we stop assuming they’re not trying hard enough or reaching their potential. Instead, we meet them where they are and support them to thrive on their terms.

If you think your child might have this kind of learning profile, a cognitive assessment can provide helpful insight. It can clarify their strengths, identify the areas that need support, and guide how to adjust both expectations and strategies — at school and at home.

We provide Cognitive and other assessments at the Hopscotch & Harmony Psychology clinics in Werribee and Geelong. Learn More

It can be confusing and concerning when a child who seems highly intelligent is also displaying disruptive or challenging behaviour at home or school. Parents and educators may wonder why a bright child is struggling with focus, following instructions, or managing their emotions. In these situations, a psychoeducational assessment can provide valuable insights into what’s going on beneath the surface and help guide effective support strategies.

Understanding Cognitive and Learning Profiles
A psychoeducational assessment evaluates both a child’s cognitive abilities and their academic skills, helping to uncover strengths as well as areas where they may need additional support. Some children have strong verbal reasoning but struggle with processing speed or working memory. Others may excel in problem-solving but find reading, writing, or maths particularly challenging. When these differences go unnoticed, children may experience frustration, disengagement, or behavioural difficulties.

Uncovering Hidden Learning Challenges
Even children who appear bright can have underlying learning difficulties that impact their ability to succeed in a structured environment. A psychoeducational assessment can highlight whether a child is experiencing challenges such as dyslexia, dysgraphia, or dyscalculia. These are referred to as Specific Learning Disorders (SLD), but it is important to note that an SLD diagnosis requires at least six months of targeted, evidence-based intervention before it can be formally diagnosed. While a psychoeducational assessment can identify areas of difficulty and provide recommendations for intervention, it does not automatically result in an SLD diagnosis. Understanding this distinction helps ensure families seek the appropriate support needed for their child’s learning journey.

Identifying Attention and Executive Functioning Difficulties
Many children who struggle with behaviour, focus, or organisation have underlying attention-related challenges. A psychoeducational assessment often includes screening for attention and executive functioning difficulties, including potential indicators of ADHD. Children with ADHD may have strong cognitive abilities but struggle to sustain attention, regulate impulses, or transition between tasks. Recognising these patterns early can help parents and educators implement strategies such as structured routines, clear instructions, and movement breaks to better support the child’s needs.

Identifying Asynchronous Development
Some children develop advanced abilities in certain areas while lagging in others. This is known as asynchronous development, where a child’s intellectual abilities outpace their emotional, social, or academic skills. A psychoeducational assessment can provide a clearer picture of whether this might be contributing to their difficulties. For example, a child with advanced reasoning skills may struggle with impulse control, emotional regulation, or processing written instructions, leading to frustration and disruptive behaviour.

Supporting Emotional and Behavioural Regulation
When a child’s behaviour seems at odds with their intellectual abilities, it’s often a sign that they need support in managing emotions, transitions, or executive functioning skills. A psychoeducational assessment can help identify whether they would benefit from structured strategies to improve self-regulation, flexible thinking, and frustration tolerance. Understanding how they process information and approach learning tasks can lead to more targeted interventions that reduce stress and improve their overall well-being.

Guiding Tailored Support and Interventions
Once a child’s cognitive and academic profile is better understood, parents and educators can implement meaningful support strategies. Children who score below the expected range in certain areas may require additional learning support, structured teaching methods, or targeted interventions to help them build skills and confidence. This could include explicit instruction in literacy or numeracy, extra time for tasks, or hands-on learning approaches.

Children who demonstrate above-average cognitive abilities may need a different type of support. They can become disengaged or frustrated if their learning environment does not provide enough challenge. Strategies such as enrichment activities, differentiated instruction, and opportunities for deeper learning can help ensure they remain engaged and motivated. Some children with high intellectual ability but lower emotional regulation skills may also require support in managing frustration, perfectionism, or social interactions.

When to Consider a Psychoeducational Assessment
If a child is bright but struggling with learning, attention, or behaviour, a psychoeducational assessment can provide a clearer picture of their strengths and challenges. It can help determine whether academic difficulties, executive functioning challenges, or emotional regulation struggles are impacting their experience at school and home.

If you’re considering whether a psychoeducational assessment could benefit your child, our  experienced Hopscotch & Harmony team at Werribee and Geelong can help guide you through the process and provide tailored recommendations to support their success.

How to Navigate Conflict in Healthy Ways
Arguments and disagreements are a natural part of any relationship—whether with a partner, friend, or colleague. The key isn’t to avoid conflict altogether but to handle it in a way that strengthens rather than damages your connection.

Here are some practical strategies for resolving conflicts in a constructive way:

Stay Calm 
It’s easy to react emotionally in the heat of the moment, but frustration and anger often make things worse. Take a breath, step back if needed, and aim to approach the conversation with a level head.

Pick the Right Time and Place
Timing and setting matter. Avoid addressing serious issues when you’re in a rush, exhausted, or surrounded by distractions. Instead, find a private, calm space where both of you can engage without feeling pressured or defensive.

Focus on the Problem, Not the Person
It’s tempting to point fingers, but blame only fuels defensiveness. Instead, frame the conversation around the issue itself. Speak from your own perspective, using “I” statements rather than accusations, and take responsibility for your role in the situation.

Listen—Really Listen
When emotions run high, it’s easy to focus on formulating your next response instead of truly hearing the other person. Try to listen without interrupting or planning a rebuttal. Reflect back what they’re saying to ensure you understand before responding.

Brainstorm Solutions Together
Instead of immediately evaluating or dismissing suggestions, allow space for both of you to explore possible solutions. Approach the issue as a team, working collaboratively rather than seeing each other as opponents.

Commit to the Resolution
Once you’ve agreed on a path forward, follow through. Understand that resolving conflict isn’t always a one-time conversation—it takes time, effort, and patience. Expect setbacks, but don’t let them derail progress.

When Resolution Feels Out of Reach
Sometimes, even with the best intentions, a conflict remains unresolved. It’s worth asking yourself: Do I truly want to resolve this, or is something else at play? If the same issues keep resurfacing, there may be a deeper dynamic to explore.

Keep Trying
If things don’t get fully resolved the first time, don’t give up. Acknowledge any progress made, agree to revisit the conversation later, and keep communication open. Sometimes, just reducing tension is a step in the right direction.
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If you’re struggling with ongoing conflict, our psychologists can help you navigate challenges with insight and clarity. Book an appointment with us to get support tailored to your situation.

Anxiety is one of the most common childhood challenges, often showing up in various forms. As a parent or caregiver, understanding how anxiety presents in your child and equipping them with calming tools can make a significant difference.

Common Types of Childhood Anxiety:

• Separation Anxiety:
  • Fear of being separated from their parent or primary caregiver.
  • Children may seem 'clingy' and express worries about something bad happening to their parents or themselves.

• Social Anxiety:
  • Avoidance of social situations or interactions.
  • Intense worry about being judged or negatively evaluated by others.

• Generalised Anxiety:
  • Excessive fears and worries that affect multiple areas of life.

How Anxiety May Show Up in Your Child:

• Persistent, upsetting worrying thoughts.
• Physical symptoms like tummy aches, headaches, or muscle tension.
• Irritability or emotional outbursts.
• Difficulty sleeping, nightmares, or disturbed rest.
• Fatigue and low energy.
• Challenges with focus and attention.
• Avoidance behaviours, such as school refusal or reluctance to try new activities.

The good news is that anxiety is highly treatable. Therapy can help children develop tools to manage worrying thoughts, but there are also strategies you can use at home to support your child. One effective technique is Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR).

How PMR Helps Your Child Relax
When children experience anxiety, their bodies often respond with physical tension, which can feel uncomfortable and make it harder to calm down. PMR teaches children to identify and release this tension, helping them feel more relaxed and grounded.

This simple process involves tensing specific muscle groups for a few seconds and then releasing the tension, creating a clear contrast between the feeling of tension and relaxation.

A Simple PMR Exercise to Try at Home

Preparation:

• Have your child sit or lie down in a comfortable position.

Guided Instructions:

Start with Deep Breathing:

• “Take slow, deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Imagine your tummy is a big balloon—when you breathe in, it fills with air, and when you breathe out, the air slowly escapes.”

Focus on Each Muscle Group:

• Feet and Toes: “Squeeze your toes and feet into a tight ball… hold for five seconds… now relax. Let your feet go loose.”
• Legs: “Point your toes to tighten the muscles in your legs… hold… now let go. Feel your legs relax like cooked spaghetti.”
• Tummy: “Squeeze your tummy muscles in… hold… now relax. Notice how soft and calm your tummy feels.”
• Shoulders: “Lift your shoulders up to your ears… hold… now let them drop down as you relax.”
• Arms and Hands: “Stretch your arms forward and squeeze your hands into a tight ball, like squeezing a lemon… hold… now let your arms go loose and floppy.”
• Face: “Scrunch your face up tight… hold… now relax. Feel how soft your face becomes.”

End with Calm Breathing:

• “Take one more deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. When you’re ready, gently open your eyes and notice how calm and relaxed your body feels.”

Support for Parents

Teaching your child relaxation techniques like PMR can be a valuable tool to help them manage their anxiety. However, if you’re finding it challenging to address your child’s needs or would like further support, our experienced psychologists are here to help.

If you’d like personalised support, contact us to schedule an appointment with one of our friendly psychologists. Together, we can help your child develop the skills they need to thrive.

Hilary Sanders is a psychologist at Hopscotch and Harmony Belmont who is passionate about supporting people of all ages, however has a particular interest in working with adolescents and adults. Hilary values diversity, and encourages individuals to celebrate their uniqueness- she believes human difference is what makes life interesting!

What is Systematic and Explicit Phonics?
When it comes to teaching children to read, few methods are as effective and well-researched as systematic and explicit phonics. If you're an educator or parent looking to understand how to best support children in their reading journey, knowing what systematic and explicit phonics is, and why it matters, is crucial.

Understanding PhonicsAt its core, phonics is a method of teaching reading by developing a child’s ability to hear, identify, and manipulate sounds, or phonemes, in language. Phonics helps children connect sounds to the letters that represent them, enabling them to decode new words when reading.

However, not all phonics instruction is the same. The terms "systematic" and "explicit" describe the specific way in which phonics is taught, and they’re key to its success.

What is Systematic Phonics?Systematic phonics refers to the teaching of phonics in a planned, sequential manner. Instead of randomly introducing phonics concepts, systematic phonics follows a carefully structured progression. It begins with teaching the most basic sound-letter correspondences (like single consonants and short vowels) before moving on to more complex patterns (like digraphs and vowel combinations).

This structured approach ensures that children build on what they’ve previously learned, providing them with a solid foundation and reducing confusion. By following a logical order, systematic phonics helps children make steady, measurable progress.

What is Explicit Phonics?Explicit phonics refers to the direct and clear instruction of phonics rules and patterns. Instead of expecting children to figure out the patterns of phonics on their own, explicit phonics teaches them the relationships between letters and sounds. This means the teacher takes an active role in delivering lessons that clearly explain how the sounds of language correspond to written letters and groups of letters.

For example, in an explicit phonics lesson, a teacher might directly explain how the letters "ch" together make a unique sound, different from "c" and "h" individually. Children are not left to infer this on their own but are explicitly told this phonics rule, helping them decode words with this pattern in the future.

Why Systematic and Explicit Phonics WorksResearch consistently shows that systematic and explicit phonics is one of the most effective methods for teaching children to read, especially for those who may struggle with reading or have learning difficulties.
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• Builds Confidence: With a clear progression and direct instruction, children feel more confident in their reading abilities as they gain mastery over specific skills.
• Reduces Guesswork: By explicitly teaching the sounds and rules, children don’t have to guess or rely on memorisation for every new word they encounter.
• Supports All Learners: While some children may intuitively pick up reading, others need structured and explicit guidance. This method ensures all children, regardless of their natural aptitude for reading, receive the necessary tools to succeed.

Examples of Systematic and Explicit Phonics in Practice

• Teaching CVC words: Children might start by learning simple consonant-vowel-consonant (CVC) words like "cat" or "dog." They are explicitly taught the sounds of each letter and how blending them together forms a word.
• Blending and Segmenting: Teachers guide children to blend sounds into words or segment words into individual sounds. For instance, the teacher might say, "What word do these sounds make? /c/ /a/ /t/?"
• Introduction of Complex Patterns: Once foundational sounds are mastered, children move on to learn more complex patterns like "sh," "th," or vowel digraphs like "ea" in "seat." Again, these are taught explicitly, so there is no ambiguity.

Why It's Important for Early Literacy

Developing strong reading skills is essential for a child’s success across all academic areas. Reading fluency directly impacts a child’s ability to comprehend texts, engage with content in other subjects, and feel confident in their academic abilities. Systematic and explicit phonics plays a foundational role in building these skills early on.

For educators, adopting a systematic and explicit phonics approach ensures that every child gets the clear, sequenced instruction they need to succeed. For parents, understanding this method empowers you to ask the right questions about your child's reading instruction and to support them effectively at home.

In Australia, there are several high-quality phonics programs that focus on systematic and explicit instruction. These programs are commonly used in schools to help children develop strong foundational reading skills. Here are a few notable examples:

1. Sounds-Write

• Overview: Sounds-Write is a highly-structured, evidence-based phonics program that teaches reading and spelling through a systematic and explicit approach. It is designed for teachers, parents, and educators to help children and adults improve their literacy skills.
• Features: The program focuses on the sound-to-letter correspondence and teaches children to blend, segment, and manipulate sounds to develop reading fluency.
• Usage: Sounds-Write is used in many Australian schools and is widely recognised for its effectiveness in improving reading outcomes, particularly for struggling readers. Children can also access the Sounds-Write program by a Literacy tutor trained in this program.

2. Jolly Phonics

• Overview: Jolly Phonics is a well-established phonics program that uses a multi-sensory approach to teaching literacy. It is popular in early childhood education settings across Australia.
• Features: The program introduces children to the 42 main letter sounds, teaching them to blend these sounds to form words. It includes actions, songs, and visuals to engage students.
• Usage: Many schools and preschools across Australia use Jolly Phonics as part of their early literacy programs, and it has been praised for its engaging and child-friendly approach.

3. MiniLit (and MultiLit)

• Overview: MiniLit (Meeting Initial Needs in Literacy) is an evidence-based early intervention program specifically designed to support struggling readers in their first years of school. MultiLit (Making Up Lost Time in Literacy) is the umbrella organisation that also offers other programs, such as MacqLit (for older students) and PreLit (for pre-schoolers).
• Features: MiniLit offers a systematic approach to teaching phonics, focusing on letter-sound knowledge and decoding skills. It is particularly aimed at children in Years K-2 who are at risk of reading failure.
• Usage: Widely used across Australian schools, especially for literacy intervention. MiniLit is often implemented in small group settings or one-on-one to provide targeted support.

Why These Programs Matter

All of these programs follow the principles of systematic and explicit phonics instruction, providing children with a strong foundation for reading success. Whether through direct teaching, engaging activities, or intervention programs, these tools help children progress confidently along their reading journey.

If you're looking to choose a phonics program, it's important to consider the needs of your child or students, as well as the resources and training available to educators. Programs like Sounds-Write, MiniLit, and Jolly Phonics have proven their effectiveness, ensuring that children receive the best start in their literacy development.

​A life without worry is a dangerous thing. It would mean a lack of concern for consequences of our actions, a reduction in reflective thinking and a reduced drive to get things done by a deadline. It would mean we would step out in front of the busy road, or test if the iron is hot by using our finger.

Worry has been a safety mechanism for us throughout the evolutionary process, and has help ensure our survival. The point being, that a little bit of worry is a good thing.

The other end of the scale is a debilitating experience when we cannot think of anything but mistakes we have made or have a fear of the future that is enough to make us physically sick and interrupt our lives.

So how do we know when to worry about worry? How much is enough? And how to help foster a sense of safety without taking away our children’s ability to experience worry and instead learn to cope with it?

If compared to other children you see that your child gets worried more often, and more intensely than others, and things have persisted for some time, then it might be time to get some professional support.

Other signs to look out for include irritability, avoidance of things they might have previously enjoyed, physical complaints like a sore tummy, or comments like things being ‘boring’ or ‘stupid’, when they may in fact be difficult and your child is feeling afraid. Not wanting to go to school or see friends can be a red flag for a child experiencing anxiety.
 
As a parent, there are some things you can do at home to help foster a sense of resilience to things that may be worrying and help your child cope with those feelings.

Some possible ways include:

• Provide your child with a sense of control. Let them learn to make choices and deal with the consequences of that (within reason). This may mean selecting only a small number of friends to invite to a birthday party, when in the week they complete their homework, or how much to commit to after school activities.
• Allow your child to make (safe) risks that are age appropriate. For young children it may mean carrying breakable crockery or for older children it may be to walk the dog around the block by themselves.
• Help your child develop a vocabulary of emotions, and praise/encourage them to share them with you. Model the language to your children e.g. “mummy is frustrated that we are running late for school”.
• At the same time, model calming techniques for dealing with emotions. For example, show how you can take 3 big deep breaths or do some mindfulness techniques together.
• Let your child know that worry is a totally normal feeling, and together, you can cope with what comes.
• Praise the effort that your children apply, rather than the outcome. This is known to help build confidence and self-esteem rather then foster worries about under-achievement. If feedback is given, give it in a way that is constructive and has clear room for growth.

 
The relationship building that you do with your child will ultimately underpin these strategies. Being able to give them the confidence to believe what you say, to confide in you, and to give them the feeling of independence and competence to take on the world.

Don’t minimise the positive interactions that you have together in the big jigsaw puzzle of your child’s world. Plant the seeds of the relationship when they are 5, so they know when they are 15, that you are cheering them on.