Tamsyn White, Psychologist
In our work as psychologists, we often hear from children and young people that they are feeling so distressed that they are experiencing suicidal thoughts. Of course when they hear this, many parents feel extremely worried.
Such distress in children and going people can manifest in lots of different ways in terms of behaviour, emotions, and impact on relationships and functioning at school, home, and workplaces (where relevant).
What to look out for - warning signs:
What can you do?
Talk and listen to your teen:
The expert on how your young person is feeling is your young person themselves. Check in with them often about how they’re travelling and let them know you’re always there for them, even if they don’t want to chat.
Check in on yourself
It’s natural to feel frightened, overwhelmed, or even angry if your teen lets you know they’ve been thinking of harming themselves. It’s important to let your child or adolescent know that you love them and support them, and that you need to keep them safe. Try to communicate calmly, without judgement, and try to help them see that it’s safe to talk to you.
Make sure you ask them directly
Parents are often worried that if their teen or child hasn’t had thoughts of suicide, they will be created if asked directly. This is a myth, and research has shown us that asking directly can be very protective. Avoid using euphemisms such asking if they’ve been thinking about “doing something silly” to themselves. Rather use direct, non-judgemental language. Simple is best: “Have you had thoughts about hurting yourself, or taking your own life?” should be a question we are all comfortable asking our loved ones.
Plan with your child for their safety
If your child or adolescent does let you know that they are having thoughts of harming themselves, make sure you’re prepared to engage in some safety planning. Ask them whether they have a plan to hurt themselves, and ask them to work with you as a team to help keep them safe. This might mean removing access to means, helping them manage their social media time, increasing their connection with supportive family and friends, and seeking professional help.
Be prepared to contact services
In a crisis where a young person has, or is just about to harm themselves, it is best to present to your hospital's emergency department - via ambulance if necessary. In situations of less urgency, where future potential risk is identified by you, you can gain assistance from your own General Practitioner, the local hospital Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services, and sometimes from school counsellors, if they are available.
Where to go for help:
Kids Helpline is a free, private and confidential 24/7 phone and online counselling service for young people aged 5 to 25. They can be contacted by phone on 1800 55 1800 or website: https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling/
Lifeline provides free, 24-hour Telephone Crisis Support service in Australia. Volunteer Crisis Supporters provide suicide prevention services, mental health support and emotional assistance, via telephone, online, and face-to-face. Call 13 11 44 or visit their website: https://www.lifeline.org.au/about-lifeline/contact-us
Area Mental Health Services (AMHS) triage provides mental health information, advice and referral. Each AMHS has a centralised triage number. www.health.vic.gov.au/mentalhealth/services
ARAFEMI Carer Helpline provides free, confidential information, support and referral for family, carers and friends of people with a mental illness. 1300 550 265, 9am to 5pm weekdays www.arafemi.org.au/family-support/telephone-helpline.html
Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement provides a range of education, counselling, research and clinical services for those working in and affected by experiences of grief and bereavement. 1800 642 066. www.grief.org.au
Beyondblue provides information about the signs and symptoms of depression, available treatments, how to get help and links to other relevant services and support groups. 1300 22 4636, 24 hours/7 days. www.beyondblue.org.au
Dr Annabel Chan, Clinical Psychologist
The new year has begun, and already an incident of bad behaviour has gone viral, inspiring public fury and a trial-by-media for the YouTube star Logan Paul. In a video posted on New Year's Eve, Logan Paul and his friends go camping in Aokigahara, unfortunately known as the "Japanese suicide forest", and film themselves discussing and laughing at a deceased person they find.
Condemnation was swift and widespread, and Logan Paul had since taken the video down and issued an apology. In doing so, he joins a long list of popular online celebrities that are watched by millions of young people, but only break through to adults when their behaviour generates criticism and outrage.
Less than a year before Logan Paul's Japanese outing, Swedish video game vlogger PewDiePie arranged to have "two semi-naked Indian men dancing while holding a banner reading ‘Death to all Jews’” appear on his YouTube channel, which has 59 million individual subscribers and over 4 billion views. Public response was similar, and PewDiePie has returned to vlogging without further problems.
Logan Paul himself is following the footsteps of his older brother Jake, who has attracted criticism for posting sexually explicit content and activities including breaching security at the White House in Washington.
Meanwhile, machine-generated cartoons depicting popular children's characters in violent and sexual predicaments are spreading rapidly, causing regular outbreaks of parental alarm and media attention.
So, let's take a look at what can we do to help children and young people use video media safely, socially, and critically.
As always, the first thing is:
When a controversial video goes viral, it's easy to get swept up in the reactions of others and simply join the shouting, giving the loudest voices the biggest say for fear of missing out, being left behind, or judged for not reacting. In the case of Logan Paul, some parents are broadcasting their disapproval of the video on social media and, more deliberately, announcing what they're doing to protect their children.
While discussions of these issues is important, some of this is virtue signalling - defined in the Oxford Dictionary as "the conspicuous expression of moral values done primarily with the intent of enhancing standing within a social group". The Cambridge Dictionary further explains it as “the popular modern habit of indicating that one has virtue merely by expressing disgust or favour for certain political ideas or cultural happenings”.
Social media platforms allow for fast and easy virtue signalling. By publicly denouncing Logan Paul, banning children from YouTube, or declaring they will monitor their child’s every mouse click, these parents signal superiority over other parents and create competition and pressure to follow suit. It can be tempting and simply easier to just go with the majority voice and follow whatever other parents are doing.
What works for one family or child or parent may not work for another. Children’s' attitudes may change with age, environment, or peers. There is no one-size-fits-all parenting response, because each child is a unique individual, so…
DON’T PRESUME YOUR CHILD’S REACTIONS
If your child has watched Logan Paul’s videos or subscribed to his channel, it doesn't automatically mean they agree with everything Logan Paul posts, or that they are even a fan. Anyone who has watched The Bachelor and enjoyed it knows that we can be entertained by content that goes against our values and morals. Psychoanalysts call these “ego-dystonic behaviours”.
"Ego-dystonic" refers to thoughts and behaviours that conflict with a person’s ideal self-image. These are impulses or acts that we carry through even though we dislike them and don't want to be associated with them. Some children may find Logan Paul’s videos distressing, offensive, or discomforting, but watch them anyway due to peer pressure, fear of missing out, or morbid curiosity.
"Ego-syntonic" is the opposite. These are behaviours and feelings that are in harmony with our identity and ideals. These children may enthusiastically watch Logan Paul’s more outrageous videos in support of their idol (Logan's fans call themselves the "Logang"), may find them genuinely entertaining, revel in schadenfreude (deriving pleasure from another person’s misfortune), watch to see what the fuss is about, or simply can't see anything wrong with the content.
Even if that seems unsettling or unfair….
DON’T TELL YOUR CHILD HOW TO FEEL
Children are not clones or extensions of their parents. They have their own thoughts, feelings, values and motivations. No matter what you think of Logan Paul, it is important to remember that this isn't about the parents.
Every adult has been a child, and we all know a sure-fire way to ensure rebellion is by telling a young person what to do “because I say so”. If a child doesn't understand the reason for a rule or value, they are much less likely to stick with it. What really matters is finding out and understanding how your child feels about Logan Paul, and definitely…
DON’T PUNISH YOUR CHILD
Logan Paul made a mistake and is being judged in public, not your child. Banning children from an entire social media platform because someone else misused it is counterproductive and punitive. Additionally, children who are banned from something popular online are likely to simply access it through schools and friends instead, with no parental guidance or support.
It's very easy to get wrapped up in fears of harmful media leading children astray, but…
DON’T ASSUME ALL YOUTUBERS ARE BAD FOR YOUR CHILD
Graphic from Juvenoia: Kids These Days
For people born last century, it can seem ludicrous that a young person with a camera can become a famous millionaire just by making silly or mundane videos of themselves and posting them online. It can also be confronting to feel disconnected from a younger generation that enjoys these performers and their content, on a new medium that transcends television or radio.
Consciously or not, most parents expect, or at least hope, that their children will share their worldview, opinions, and values. For that reason, it can seem like a natural, knee-jerk reaction to ignore, dismiss, or remove something that a child values but a parent doesn’t. So, if your child expresses an interest in something that you dislike or find pointless, fight that urge.
Popular YouTubers are peer leaders and role models in the world of social media. Research has consistently shown that children from the age of 8 derive more pleasure from peer relationships than family relationships, and are more easily influenced by friends than by authority figures. This is an important stage of a child's development, as the capacity to develop social bonds outside their family predicts higher rates of overall general functioning and social successes.
However, this may mean your child is more likely to admire and listen to the advice of YouTubers than anything offered by their parents or other adults. That can be confronting, but isn't always a bad thing. YouTubers are often creative, productive, and pro-social leaders of change and awareness campaigns. Many are relatable and worthy role-models who are candid with their fans and offer valuable advice on their experience with difficult topics such as mental health and chronic illness.
For example, the Draw My Life trend has been cathartic for many people, giving young people an accessible way to understand the lives, struggles, and strength of many others around the world. Other trends are just plain fun!
Creating online media content is also a real job, a passion and a legitimate career in a booming industry that could and should be an option for any child today.
But there's still bad content on YouTube that my children are exposed to! What now?
5 Things To Do
Grief And Loss
Infant Mental Health