Puberty and the Changing Brain
We often hear from parents that their child, who is going through puberty, has been getting frustrated, talking back, or lashing out for no apparent reason.

Many children receive “the talk” at school or home about how their bodies will change. But while the physical changes are well-covered, the changes in the brain and emotions are just as significant—and often overlooked.

Here are a few helpful points to guide these conversations:

1. Explain the changes in the brain
Your child may already know what to expect physically. It helps to explain that their brain is changing too. The first part to mature is the emotional centre (the amygdala), which is responsible for strong feelings and survival instincts. The part that takes the longest to develop is the thinking and reasoning centre (the prefrontal cortex), which isn’t fully mature until around age 18–25.
This means that teenagers can feel emotions more intensely, react quickly to small triggers, and find it harder to regulate their behaviour or articulate what they need.
Because the brain uses around 20% of the body’s oxygen and energy, these rapid changes can also leave young people feeling tired or irritable. Sometimes what looks like defiance is simply exhaustion.

2. Empathise and empowerLet your child know that their feelings and behaviour are not the same thing. It’s normal to feel angry, frustrated, or confused at times. They can’t always control how they feel, but they can learn how to respond to those feelings.
Encourage them to name what they feel and remind them that it’s always okay to ask for help. Your calm presence teaches them that emotions, even big ones, can be managed safely.

3. Focus on effective communicationYou can also acknowledge that this stage is confusing for you too. Let them know that you want to understand what they’re experiencing, and work together to find ways to communicate clearly.
Some useful tools include:

• Using “I” statements to express your feelings without blame
• Talking about actions rather than personal traits
• Focusing on finding a solution

For example:

• “I feel annoyed that you won’t let me go to the shops with my friends because everyone else can and I feel left out,” instead of “You’re being unfair.”
• “I feel hurt when you use that tone because I feel disrespected. Can you tell me what you need in a calm voice?” instead of “You’re being rude.”
  
  

4. Try the “birds, bees, and the brain” talkBeyond the traditional “birds and bees” talk, include discussions about emotional and brain development. This helps your child understand that the changes they’re feeling are normal and temporary.
If sitting face-to-face feels uncomfortable, choose a setting where you’re side by side, like walking the dog or driving together. These relaxed moments often make it easier for children to open up.

Supporting your child through changeThis stage can test patience on both sides, but it’s also a valuable chance to build connection and trust. When you respond with curiosity rather than criticism, you show your child that strong feelings can be handled together.
Adolescence isn’t just a time of turbulence, it’s a time of enormous growth. With empathy, calm communication, and consistent support, you can help your child navigate this period with confidence and self-understanding.

If you notice ongoing distress, withdrawal, or emotional changes that seem extreme or out of character, consider speaking with a psychologist for additional support and guidance.

Are you the parent of a pre-teen and are unsure of how to approach the often awkward or uncomfortable conversation about puberty? It is great to feel prepared and informed about going into this conversation so you and your pre-teen can feel safe and supported to learn and grow together. 

Puberty can have significant effects on the emotions of teenagers and pre-teens. During puberty, the body undergoes many physical and hormonal changes, which can affect the way they feel and behave.

Here are some ways that puberty can impact emotions in teens:

1. Mood swings: Hormonal changes during puberty can cause teenagers to experience sudden and intense mood swings. They may feel happy and excited one moment, and then become sad or irritable the next. This can be tricky to navigate as a parent!
2. Anxiety and depression: Puberty can also increase the risk of anxiety and depression in teenagers. Hormonal changes, social pressures, and other factors can contribute to feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and worry.
3. Increased sensitivity to stress: The changes that occur during puberty can make teenagers more sensitive to stress. They may become easily overwhelmed and feel like they are unable to cope with the demands of school, family, or social life.
4. Heightened self-consciousness: As teenagers go through physical changes, they may become more self-conscious about their appearance. They may feel awkward or uncomfortable in their changing bodies and worry about how they are perceived by others.
5. Changes in sexuality: Puberty can also bring about changes in sexuality and sexual attraction. This can be confusing and emotional for teenagers as they navigate their feelings and relationships.

Here are some steps you can take to talk to your child about puberty:

1. Start the conversation early: It's best to start talking about puberty before your child starts experiencing the changes. This can help them feel more prepared and less anxious when the changes do occur. You can begin the conversation around age 8 or 9, or earlier if your child has questions.
2. Create a safe and comfortable environment: Choose a private and comfortable place to have the conversation, where your child feels safe and free to ask questions. Make sure you have enough time to have a relaxed conversation without interruptions.
3. Use age-appropriate language: Use simple and age-appropriate language when discussing puberty. Avoid using technical terms or language that may confuse your child.
4. Explain what puberty is: Explain to your child that puberty is a natural process that happens to everyone as they grow up. It's a time when their body goes through many physical changes, such as growth spurts, changes in body hair, and developing sexual characteristics.
5. Address emotional changes: Puberty can also bring emotional changes, such as mood swings and increased sensitivity. Discuss these changes with your child and let them know that it's normal to feel different emotions during this time.
6. Answer questions: Encourage your child to ask questions and provide honest and straightforward answers. If you don't know the answer to a question, let your child know that you will find out and get back to them.

It's important for parents, caregivers, and educators to understand these emotional changes and provide support and guidance for teenagers during this time. Encouraging open communication, without judgment and providing a safe and supportive environment will foster your child’s wellbeing. Seeking professional help when needed can be helpful for pre-teens and teenagers during puberty as it can be difficult for them to speak to close family members about this often awkward topic. 

Parents and caregivers are valuable during this time as they can model healthy emotional expression and coping skills such as stating their emotions and engaging in self care. When parents/caregivers take care of their own mental wellbeing, they can better support their pre-teens. Everyone goes through puberty and emotional changes are expected and we all know it can be a tricky time, however these steps can help your child  feel safe and supported.