What Not to Say to the Parent of an Autistic Child

When speaking to the parent of an Autistic  child, it's important to be mindful and respectful of their experiences and feelings. Here are some things you should never say to the parent of an Autistic  child:

1. "I'm sorry": While you might be well-intentioned, saying "I'm sorry" can imply that being Autistic is a negative thing, when actually, it’s a set of differences and Autistic individuals have individual strengths just like all others. Rather than saying sorry, you could ask how the parent is doing with this new news, and offer your support if they express they’re having a hard time with it.

 

1. "He/she doesn't look Autistic ": Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition, and there is no set of physical characteristics or “look” associated with Autism. Avoid making assumptions based on appearance.

 

1. "Have you tried X treatment?": Autism is a set of differences, not deficits, and it can’t be cured - we shouldn’t even want that! Every child with autism is unique, and whilst all individuals can benefit from support, the kinds of support that one Autistic individual needs or benefits from might not work for another. Avoid offering unsolicited advice or recommendations.

 

1. "He/she will grow out of it": Autism is a lifelong condition, and while individuals with Autism can develop coping strategies and skills, it is not something they will simply "grow out of."

 

1. "He/she just needs more discipline": Autism is not a behaviour issue, and discipline is not a cure. A cure isn’t possible, and isn’t something that should be sought. Avoid making assumptions about the child's behaviour or suggesting that they simply need more discipline.

Instead, focus on offering your support and understanding. Ask the parent how you can help or what they need, and listen without judgement. Let them know that you are there for them and that you care about their child. By showing empathy and understanding, you can help create a warm and supportive environment for the parent and their Autistic child.

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Tamsyn White
Principal Psychologist