3 Ways to Foster Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Childhood is a crucial time to nurture healthy self-esteem. It lays the foundation for resilience, confidence, and emotional well-being throughout life. We all know self-esteem matters, but how can we help children truly develop it? Here are three practical ways to start.

1. Ask, “How would someone who loves you describe you?”

When children have a tough day, they can be hard on themselves, just like adults. To help them see a kinder perspective, ask:

“How would Mum/Dad/your favourite teacher/your best friend describe you?” or “What would ___ say about this?”

Younger children (especially under 8) might need more guidance to answer, but this question helps them step outside self-criticism and see themselves through the eyes of someone who cares.

2. Offer sincere praise and focus on effort

Saying “You’re the best!” might feel encouraging, but it can backfire. It sets unrealistic expectations and teaches children to measure their worth by comparison. Instead, give specific, genuine feedback that acknowledges effort and progress:

“I love how you added so many details to your drawing, what part are you most proud of?”

Or, “You’ve been working hard on your maths. I can see your effort paying off.”

This kind of praise builds true confidence, the kind rooted in competence, not perfection.

3. Celebrate the wins

Everyone has ups and downs. Create a ‘Wins Box’ or folder where your child can keep things that make them proud, drawings, certificates, photos, or notes from special days. Looking through it can help them remember their strengths and positive moments when they’re feeling low.

Building healthy self-esteem isn’t about a one-size-fits-all formula. It’s about helping children feel loved, safe, and capable. The words they hear from you can become the voice they carry within themselves.