4 Ways to Support Your Child During the Emotional Roller Coaster of Puberty

Puberty and the Changing Brain
We often hear from parents that their child, who is going through puberty, has been getting frustrated, talking back, or lashing out for no apparent reason.

Many children receive “the talk” at school or home about how their bodies will change. But while the physical changes are well-covered, the changes in the brain and emotions are just as significant—and often overlooked.

Here are a few helpful points to guide these conversations:

1. Explain the changes in the brain
Your child may already know what to expect physically. It helps to explain that their brain is changing too. The first part to mature is the emotional centre (the amygdala), which is responsible for strong feelings and survival instincts. The part that takes the longest to develop is the thinking and reasoning centre (the prefrontal cortex), which isn’t fully mature until around age 18–25.
This means that teenagers can feel emotions more intensely, react quickly to small triggers, and find it harder to regulate their behaviour or articulate what they need.
Because the brain uses around 20% of the body’s oxygen and energy, these rapid changes can also leave young people feeling tired or irritable. Sometimes what looks like defiance is simply exhaustion.

2. Empathise and empowerLet your child know that their feelings and behaviour are not the same thing. It’s normal to feel angry, frustrated, or confused at times. They can’t always control how they feel, but they can learn how to respond to those feelings.
Encourage them to name what they feel and remind them that it’s always okay to ask for help. Your calm presence teaches them that emotions, even big ones, can be managed safely.

3. Focus on effective communicationYou can also acknowledge that this stage is confusing for you too. Let them know that you want to understand what they’re experiencing, and work together to find ways to communicate clearly.
Some useful tools include:

• Using “I” statements to express your feelings without blame
• Talking about actions rather than personal traits
• Focusing on finding a solution

For example:

• “I feel annoyed that you won’t let me go to the shops with my friends because everyone else can and I feel left out,” instead of “You’re being unfair.”
• “I feel hurt when you use that tone because I feel disrespected. Can you tell me what you need in a calm voice?” instead of “You’re being rude.”
  
  

4. Try the “birds, bees, and the brain” talkBeyond the traditional “birds and bees” talk, include discussions about emotional and brain development. This helps your child understand that the changes they’re feeling are normal and temporary.
If sitting face-to-face feels uncomfortable, choose a setting where you’re side by side, like walking the dog or driving together. These relaxed moments often make it easier for children to open up.

Supporting your child through changeThis stage can test patience on both sides, but it’s also a valuable chance to build connection and trust. When you respond with curiosity rather than criticism, you show your child that strong feelings can be handled together.
Adolescence isn’t just a time of turbulence, it’s a time of enormous growth. With empathy, calm communication, and consistent support, you can help your child navigate this period with confidence and self-understanding.

If you notice ongoing distress, withdrawal, or emotional changes that seem extreme or out of character, consider speaking with a psychologist for additional support and guidance.